Dear Me

This is going to be frustrating
but I share this to help you cope.
Throughout life, it may need restating,
but I don’t want you to lose your hope.

People are going to misunderstand you,
And no matter how hard you try to explain,
With some, you won’t get through.
You’ll leave dejected at the end of the day,
But don’t let this fact defeat you.
Don’t let it keep you from trying again.
You can cry to a friend,
but don’t quit when you don’t win
the affections of
the approval of…
Don’t let the argument become
that restless downward spin.

Remember why you took that job,
Why you love your mom,
That one friend you almost gave up on.
People will surprise you
And sometimes it will be pleasant.
The darkness will subside
And all be luminescent.

In the meantime, rewind
And don’t hit replay in your mind
Forgive yourself, forgive the crimes,
The slights and words unkind.
Let them wash in the flood
The flowing crimson love
Of One who alone did everything right
And lay your disappointments to rest at night.

Good Enough

Maybe it’s good enough
that God is good enough,
and I am not.
Maybe it’s enough
that He loved me enough
to show me tough love
when I fought.
Maybe my pride can find a hole and die
And my soul can accept a love
that’s not about how hard I try.

*It is. He is.

Violence

You can handle
the violence in my spirit,
the quiet screams that sear it.
They burn fears and clear pith.
Draw me near with
arms that destroy interference.
You fight for my deliverance.
I hide in the strength
that fights my assailants,
the purity that hates
all that hates me
and kills with fire
the dross, selfish desire.
Your counter-attack
will never lack
the efficacy
to take me back.

Provider. Protector. Pursuer

Provider. Protector. Pursuer.
Creator of every contour,
The boundaries of me,
Oxygenating every capillary,
My deep breath in the sanctuary,
You will not tarry.
Here I wait.
Right here is safe.
A lesser offer, I will not take.
I will wait until You come for me,
without room for negotiating.
You alone can save.
Temporary freedoms eventually enslave.
Impatience feeds the grave.
You will come through.
This I believe, and I will wait for You.
The fullness of deliverance
Is worth every ounce of perseverance.
I won’t jump at the chance
Of provision apart from Your hands,
Protection apart from Your plans,
The thrill of pursuit in corrupted lands.
Grasping for
Love like I’m poor,
When I can’t imagine
What You have in store.
I’m sorry.
Provider. Protector. Pursuer.
No love could be truer.
Your plans are good eternally,
And I will listen, wait and see.


*Written February 2nd, 2019. Inspired by reflecting on Moses in Egypt. If you want to know how all that is connected, comment below!

Spring

Snow fell here yesterday
And today I lay in the green
On the grass in the breeze
Sweet stringed melodies
The light about you
And beyond, the trees.
This moment, freeze,
Forever in my memories.
Forgive this silly grin.
I’m just taking it all in.
The thawing of my heart
Overwhelms me
And though I saw it coming
It doesn’t cease to be
Amazing.

Moon and Sand

Try to tell me my worth
And I’ll keep passing through.
Held by the gravity of earth,
But not caught in its monsoon.

But every now and again
My head sinks to sand
Beaten and left to dry
By the water and the sky.
Built up into tiny castles
And then swiftly razed
By thoughtless waves.
Kicked and thoroughly sullied.
Taunted by sea-gullies.
Dear Jesus, I need far more
than I know how to ask for.
Joy beyond the sky where
I can breathe without air.

I’ll hide my face above the atmosphere.
Where You and I can disappear.
And draw me back from the dust
When this planet gets between us.

Indelible Security

With glorious light in my face

I look over to

Love that delights in

All that I am without hiding.

He walks with me in plain sight,

Illuminating my frame.

This joy. It’s so much a part of my soul.

My body, spirit and soul.

Valuable beyond my control.

Worth set in stone.

Loved before I was known.

Joy is my story.

The certainty

of indelible security.

Unforgettable

Irremovable

True.

My Savior’s love defines me.

His righteousness assigned to me.

Now there is freedom to rest and do

With nothing left to prove

Or earn,

Only His love to return.

Fear

*Another old poem, previously unpublished.

Fear.
At the depths of me,
That’s what kept me
Immobilized
Terrorized
Fear of losing.
Fear of loosing
the floods of your
disapproval. 
Because maybe you’re right
And I am wrong.
So I stayed quiet for too long. 
And boiled deep inside
pains I tried to hide. 
And erupted unfairly
Unexpected and unkindly.
I’m sorry. 
What’s wrong with me?
I’m sorry. 

Understood

Good morning, sunshine.
I missed your smile in the night time.
The shadows over your troubled mind,
covered your hope and made you blind.

But good morning, my love!
You are awake in the light of day.
You are not defined by the dumb things you say.
You are loved beyond every little mistake.

The One who loves you is good,
By Him, you’ll always be understood.

Some Books to Read

Humility – Andrew Murray *
The Charisma Myth – Olivia Fox Cabane *
Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus – Nabeel Qureshi* (This book really helped me during a time when I doubted my faith.)

The Autobiography of George Muller
An Illustrated Atlas – J.R.R. Tolkien
Unfinished Tales of Numenor and Middle-earth – J.R.R. Tolkien
A.D. 33 – Ted Dekker
Desiring God – John Piper
When I Don’t Desire God – John Piper
And Justice for All – John Perkins
Connecting with Muslims – Fouad Masri
The Book that Transforms Nations – Loren Cunningham
Why Not Women? – Loren Cunningham
The Book that Made Your World – Vishal Mangalwadi
Cold Case Christianity – J. Warner Wallace
Us Versus Us – Andrew Marin

*read & recommended